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Cops dating cops?
  • I'm not an LEO; but all the cops I know say never to date somebody in your own department. I'm not dating a cop yet either, just wondering what everyone thought. That's tough to avoid since most of the people you know usually come from the people you work with. lol.

    Any thoughts on this?
  • 57 Comments sorted by
  • Quickest way to your first divorce is to marry a cop...

    The bad thing is you can never turn it off if you date a cop, especially from your own department, guess what you will talk about when off duty...
  • I can see where there would be a lot of conflict having two cops in one household, but couldn't you also say that marrying another cop would be good because he/she would understand what you do every day? I know a couple who are both State Troopers and seem to have a great relationship; I guess it just depends on the people, wouldn't you say?
  • @Warden: Really? Wow.. I figured it would be bad if you did the same dept. because then you know each others business constantly. But I guess you're right, if you're both cops, that's all you'll talk about. Hard to let things go at work when you both talk about it a lot... Thanks for the insight!

    @astover: I agree with you as well, at least you both would have a lot in common. I think a lot of it is the people, you don't want a pair that is too headstrong to compromise once in a while I guess. I think it could be bad to have another person who isn't a cop to marry, because if they have a boring job, then you have a bit of friction as far as how exciting each other's jobs are.
  • I'm not yet a LEO, but I do have some military experience (for whatever that's worth in this discussion) and I feel that my points are still valid.

    One of the other things to keep in mind is politics, whenever something goes bad you/they will look biased when defending the other. Or you/they will be screwed for not defending the other.

    Plus if something goes wrong on the street odds are the action/reaction might not be the right one, too much emotion.

    And that's just taking into account a good and solid relationship. If something bad happens in the relationship, now you are affecting everyone around you. We had 2 date in the academy, decisions were questioned, and it was sometimes awkward. But the real "issues" came after things went south, nothing major, (it was the academy not the streets after all) but it was still slightly problematic.
  • They say a cop will be married 3 times in their career
    1. The love of their life
    2. The emergency room nurse because we spend so much time there
    3 The night waitress at Denny's because we will be broke with no retirement after the first two.

    All kidding aside, I agree that marrying a cop has inherent issues buy I managed to stay married from the day I was sworn in to the day I retired. It all depends on the couple like anything else.
  • @generalee: I'm not an LEO yet either, I'm going to the academy within the year hopefully. I think those are definitely valid points. I mean, when something goes wrong, everyone knows your business, and it could bring up too much emotion in the field. It was mentioned to me to date someone in a different dept. if you must have a cop. lol!

    @hxturbo: I lol'd at the third one. That's very true, it really depends on the people. I'm happy for you and your wife, that's great. You guys are tough. lol! At least cops wont envy each other's jobs, because you already know what it's like! Haha
  • Gun battles in the same household..hmmmm not a good thing! LOL!
  • Hahahaha Gun Battles... lol! Good one!
  • I think that there isn't a problem with it, if LE is your passion it's okay to talk about it with your spouse but if you are both good LEOs then you will know when to turn off the job and on the family persona.
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  • Yeah, thats a good way to see it too. I like the idea of being able to relate to each other with our jobs, but just so it's not overbearing.
  • My wife and I met when I was a trainer at the academy and her cycle was going thru. A few years later we started to date. We are both retired now and we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary this past May. It wasn't always easy, especially after I made rank, but it was always worth it.
  • @Gunsmoke: That's really great, I'm happy for you! From what I can tell from all these stories, is that it really depends on the people. Some people can take it, some cant I guess. That's really awesome for you guys, hanging tough! Thanks for sharing! :)
  • Charger_Girl, like with everything else, cops are people, some marriages work some don't. You get out of it what you put into it. We've been thru some very hard times, but we used them to grow closer, not apart.
  • That's a really good way to look at it, some people would rather quit during hard times rather than try and work it out and learn from the experiences. Good advice!
  • I feel like it would be easier to date or have a relationship someone within the same professions as myself. Because as with everything else.. coming home all excited or upset about something at work you want to talk about it... and well... if the other person has been in your shoes or can relate you can most definately connect better and be understood better on a deeper level. To each their own.. because as Charger_Girl said some people can take it and some can not :)
  • Yeah, I could see how it's easier. I mean, if I marry a business man and become a cop, then my version of an exciting day would be so different. And not to be rude, but I'd see their job as boring. lol!

    Thanks for the input, I have to agree with you. :)
  • Ok, lesson 1 if you date someone from your department do not cheat on them... It is difficult but if you are both honest with each other then it works. Lesson 2, do not talk work unless its a funny story and do not question a decision that they made at work and tell them a different way it could have been done unless they ask... other than that its not a bad thing
  • I have never known anyone who made it. I know several who work different places and it works
  • Thanks for the advice reddep. I'll remember that if I ever date a cop. Haha!

    Well from what I can tell, it seems that the same dept. is a bad idea. lol!

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  • Cops suck at relationships to begin with.... Just dont add fuel to the fire...
  • I have worked with a fee couples and i can tell you it sucks for the rest of the dept. also think long and hard before you date a cop... Lots of hours at work =not a lot of down time
  • @Irishjew82: I'm not going to lie, I laughed when I read your name. lol But yeah, I can see how the schedule would suck, I mean, unless you worked the same shift. If you work opposite shifts I imagine that's brutal.
  • I'm a LEO and was married to an LEO-I'm a widow now. I found it to difficult to date outside of the job. Too hard for non-LEO guy to get my job. To get me in my job. Some were intimidated by a woman who works with a lot of men and who carries a gun. Divorce rate is higher yes. But that is what I'm comfortable with-dating LEOs not divorce:)) After a bad, tragic or otherwise crappy day at work I don't want to have to explain what happened in addition to reporting how my day was. Some things that we find funny-you know if you don't laugh you'll cry-would be offensive to most non-LEOs. Everyone needs to decide for themselves.
  • Thank you Chickcrimefighter, that's very insightful. I imagine it is hard, I mean, I know the guy I date currently would be really jealous and intimidated. Plus, you spend all your time around coworkers.., So I get where you're coming from.

    My parents are Air Traffic Controllers, I guess stressful jobs run in the family. lol!
  • @charger_girl lol thanks :)
    Its not just the schedule its the thing we cops love... OVERTIME :-D
  • lol Oh yeah, I forgot. The popo and their over time. lol! :)
  • Dont ever forget the "big clock" :D
  • As far as in your own department (or FWIW, the town you work), never put the pen in the department ink.

    Other than that, no problem.
  • Hahahaha good to know Bill! lol
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  • I met my husband on the job, same district and in the same squad! Swore I would never marry a cop; it will be 24 years of marriage in April. I guess it did help that a few months after we got married, he got promoted and changed districts. We never talked work at home unless it was something really important. Once the kids came, we worked different shifts so one of us would always be home. Bottom line, any couples, regardless of job choice, can make a marriage work if they really want it to.
  • I dated a few cops, one on my department, one I went through the academy with and one I met at bike school. Our relationships were amazing, the only reason they didn't work out was because I became money hungry and I work doubles almost everyday. I still remain good friends with them. I never understood why people say it can't work dating or marrying someone you work with..if you put in the effort, it'll work
  • Actually, I wish I would have dated a cop. My two exes weren't cops. I know a lot of cop couples that made it through 25 year careers and are very happy.
  • @LSA: I think its hard to meet people outside your job. It's just where you meet everyone when you go to a new place to a new job. That's really awesome that you guys have made it, I imagine it was challenging at times.

    @weed_npd: Yeah, I imagine if you go for a ton of overtime then it's probably hard getting time for your relationship. But whatever makes you happy, ya know? I think it would work fine, just gotta put effort into it like any relationship.
  • @JackWebb: Really? That's interesting that you wish that. I mean... there are some pretty attractive cops out there. lol!
  • Charger Girl..just follow your heart.. that simple, cop or not. :O)
  • Oh I agree, I'm not out looking for cops to date, I was just curious about what everyone thought about it. :) Thank youuu! lol
  • My brother in law is a cop. Married a cop from the same department. One year married and so far so good!
  • That's good to hear, Hope they stick it out! :) Gotta love the success stories! haha
  • It's great to hear all the different success stories about cops dating cops. I always wanted to be in LE but when called into the academy I was unable to. However, I did date a cop for 7 years. We never got married. It was tough... Long hours, overtime, and not to mention his 4 years in crime scene... That was a whole different type of overtime, late night CALL-OUTS!
    I'd like to think that I hung in there. It became my life. A lifestyle if you will. You become family and when tragedy strikes, it hurts as if it was one of your family members.
    Unfortunely, my relationship came to an abrupt end. Long story short... I do believe he now dating within the department. That's okay. It's whatever makes one happy. :).
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  • I'm retired and married to the same wonderful lady for 40 years this month, she too is
    in LEO, the best way to keep it together "ROTATING SHIFTS" Can't get into to much trouble when you don't see each other and yet when together ya make the best out of your days together!
  • This may sound sexist, apologies in advance to the females here, but I like being able to say "I wear the badge in my family". In fact, when I'm talking smack about my wife (all guys act more macho when their wives aren't around than we do when they're in the same room), that's the line I use. In fact, I recently went out with a buddy to go see the midnight premiere of the new 007 movie Skyfall. We had a conversation that went something like this:

    Buddy: "So the wife let you off the chain?"
    Me: "What chain? She don't own me. I wear the badge in my family."

    He thought that was hilarious.
  • I dated someone in my Dept. once. Will not do it again.
  • @Demi: I agree, it's always great seeing success stories. I suppose it's just that not all of copxcop relationships can work. 7 years is a long time too!

    @Whitey: That's so great for you guys, You can't constantly see each other or you might go postal! hahahaha I always love that, making the best out of the days you do have together. :)

    @Wilavitt: LOL I'm a girl and I thought that was funny, I'm fine not being the macho one in the relationship.
  • @rahijo: Wow... lol Sorry to hear that, but I suppose it wont work for everyone.
  • Smh.. Women...... cant live with them cant live with out them! Go figure ;0)
  • My g/f is a kindergarten teacher and we get along well. I know she hates both of my professions LEO/military, but she tolerates them. I sometimes wish she would take SOME interest in either of them, but I am okay with her not really caring.
  • In my department it's not a wise career choice to date within your agency because if someone wants to promote they can't unless the other quits because a supervisor cannot supervise their spouse or significant other. Then it comes to family and shift work, I'd see it being pretty difficult. Nice to have someone who understands but also I don't want to always talk about work. I'm single and I'd consider dating out of my agency, but I think there'd still be challenges with that. I know good and bad of both sides, I've seen two cops extremely happy and married forever, but most of them seem to end.
  • @astpd: I totally forgot about that! My parents jobs are the same way, can't have a spouse over each other (air traffic control). I didn't even think of that... thanks for pointing it out. It seems that it's just up to the individuals. Some people end up super happy, and some can't handle it. Thanks for your input! :)
  • I am married to a sheriff deputy and I work for a village that is within their jurisdiction. We talk a lot of cop shop, but it mainly is for information purposes, bouncing ideas off each other and well...gossip! LOL~ I always tell my husband if it wasn't for both of us being in law enforcement and having a son together, we wouldn't have anything in common! Not really, but some crazy busy days when one of us is coming or going, it may seem that way. We both agree we couldn't work in the same department because THAT would be a deal breaker. I agree with astpd109, dating outside the LE scope can be sticky wicky. Some people want to always walk on the wrong side of the law and if you are with them, well there goes your reputation. As hard as you are working to be an officer, make sure you NEVER EVER compromise on your values and morals and don't let anyone stand in your way. My motto: I worked hard and earned my commission, I will be damned before I throw that away for anyone! I don't care how cute you are or how popular you are. If they want to be shady, then get to steppin' ;)
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  • Aha thats quite a point of view! I think dating outside your department seems to be a common response. Thats how I would picture my relationship if I get hired. Lots of gossip and advice.

    I'd never let anybody hold me down, I'm determined to get hired and nobody is talking me out of it. :) I'm ready to get out there! Thanks so much for the advice, I appreciate any and all advice I can get.
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